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SERMON TO MYSELF
"There must be a pony in here,
somewhere!"
That is the great punch line to the old joke about
an optimistic child thrown into a room filled with shit!
I've been looking for my pony for a long time. When life feels overwhelmingly filled
with pain, despair, loss, illness, fear...you are always, understandably,
looking for the source, the cause, the reason why. You also start looking for the
exit.
Then the day comes when smarter folk than you ask
simple, profound questions like: "What if there is no pony? What if the crap is your
gift?"
What if the challenge is to create a life from
exactly where you are with exactly what you have? No more "if only i was rich", "if only I was
healthy", "if only I was better looking", " if only I was thinner, or
smarter, or whatever."
Maybe real change only happens after we completely
accept the mess we're in. Maybe
acceptance happens once we choose to embrace our limitations, our wounds, our
confusion.
We can learn from this odorous metaphor by really
looking at this room we're locked in. Study
its' size and shape.
Embrace the pile that fills the room and get
creative! Sculpt it, build with it,
paint pictures on the wall with it, write stories about it.
Before you know it, the pile is smaller and you've
created more room and transformed what was your burden into unexpected resources
for creativity. Do this long enough
and you will be surprised to find there is a way back to the door that led you
in here.
Now, when you get that far, don't toss the door
open and run for it, you will surely slip and fall. And you may undo all that you have
accomplished. Start slowly and
fertilize the new ground outside. Things
will grow!
I often wonder what it would be like to wake up
tomorrow strong and healthy, clear-headed, prosperous and carefree. But honestly, where would I go from
there? It sounds wonderful, but I
would be lost.
It's not who I am.
It's not what I have been given.
My body may not be strong or cooperative, but I
have unparalleled strength that comes from fighting life's battles.
I may
not turn heads with my looks, but I know true beauty because I've seen eternity.
I may not be rich, but I have an enormous capacity
to appreciate the value of the smallest things.
I may not have the life I imagined for myself, but
there are forces greater, pushing me towards my true destiny. I must trust
that.
And it's not every day, or even every hour that I
can feel this truth, but it is always there waiting for me to open my eyes and
all my other senses
So life stinks sometimes, it may be the unfamiliar
fragrance of freedom.
Take a deep breath and be grateful.
This came my way and I thought I'd share it:
A THOUGHT FOR THE MILLENIUM
If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100
people, with all the existing ratios remaining the same, it would look
something like the following:
There would be
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the western hemisphere, both North and South
8 Africans.
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual.
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and all 6 would be
from the United States
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth
1(yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer.
When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need
for acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly clear.
Submitted by a Email forum member
Hi guys.....
It's fascinating.
As gay men we don't feel like we fit in for a long while.
We fight to be "normal" or recognized as someone who
"belongs." Our search
often leads us to new consciousness and it becomes difficult to now accept
that we may not belong to the masses.
Maybe we are special.
Maybe we are great.
Maybe we don't need or want to belong to the "normal" life.
Maybe that gift
has been waiting for us to unwrap and embrace it.
No wonder we feel split.
We are the men who express feelings and creativity...it's our strength and a
perceived weakness.
Every moment of clarity leaves me wanting to scream at countless strangers:
"wake up!, don't you get it?"
They don't, so I scream to myself and thank God for another days
confusion.
Some days I just wish to be "normal" and unaware.
Blissfully ignorant.
And some days I want to heal the world with my heart.
And mostly I hover between light and dark, a cloud potato if you will.
Waiting for a sign...do I fall or fly?
Maybe tomorrow I'll know more.
Grateful for today.
LarryS